What to do about team member who threatens to leave all the time and is difficult to work with?

Question

I work in a small development group with 3 developers. We are loosely managed and have no structure to the team. There is no designated team leader and the manager is fairly hands off. The Senior developer has been with the company for 4 years, in that time he has had a huge hand in setting up systems and keeping them running. He is not a very good developer but is a great cowboy coder and understands the network in a way I never could. He has taken the role of "lead developer" and "systems architect" because he has seniority and feels he is better at his job than the rest of us.

My problem is that he threatens to quit all the time. Yesterday he informed me that in 6 weeks he will move up another level in the 401k vesting program and is planning to leave after that. When I asked him why, he said that it is because our manager (a man) and the team (the team being me) are “demasculating” him. He feels that he "deserves" to have been made the development manager based on his seniority. He doesn't like me because I keep pushing for things like bug/issue tracking software and because I am good at my job.

Last time he threatened to quit I took him seriously and started to plan my work around him leaving. Then he changed his mind and told me that the work I was doing was his responsibility. He lost his temper with me and tensions ran really high for a while.

Here are some of the different ways I have approached the situation:

1. Just do what he asks: This lowers tensions but then nothing gets done and the users get upset.
2. Take control and get stuff done: This keeps the users happy but then he gets angry at me and shuts down, he won't talk to me or work with me to get the things done that only he knows about. He won't give me access to the systems I need to get into to do it myself.
3. Work more closely with higher management: He has no respect for higher management and they don't want him to leave the company so they coddle him.

One option I haven’t moved forward with yet is to leave the company: I haven't been there a year yet and don't like the idea of leaving. Overall the job meets most of my requirements in a position.

Ideas? Suggestions? Conversations? Options I haven’t considered?

Update 5/11/2012:
I finally decided to leave. It was a good decision. Between the original post and now he got better but still was not what I consider to be a good developer, much less good management material. I respect him for his knowledge but am glad I don't need to work with him any more.

Answer 1

Management won't change anything if they don't feel any pain.

If you allow management to be hands off (by fixing things and being successful) then you will be expected to continue fixing things and being successful.

After all -- from management's view -- things are fine. Stuff is getting done. You may feel stressed, but that's not what's important. What's important is that stuff is getting done.

If you want change, you have to change. You have to make your co-worker into your manager's problem, not your problem.

You need to make it your manager's problem when your co-worker makes demands and "nothing gets done and the users get upset".

You need to make it your manager's problem when "he won't talk to me or work with me to get the things done that only he knows about. He won't give me access to the systems I need".

Until someone else feels the pain, nothing can possibly change.

Answer 2

Next time he threatens to leave, ask your manager if you should start a knowledge transfer so you can get familiar with the parts of the system only he knows about.

If he's bluffing, your manager won't have any idea what you're talking about and you can inform them that he told you he was leaving in x weeks, then let him/her deal with it.

If he's not bluffing, your manager will set out the tasks of what you should do so that if he changes his mind, you won't have looked like you wasted time doing unnecessary preparations as you were only doing what management told you to do.

In either case, it will show that you're on top of things and willing to pitch in the extra effort if the company needs it.

Answer 3

Call his bluff, or fire him. This sort of behavior undermines the entire team and management structure.

Oh wait, you're not in charge? Hmmm... ignore him, ask for a transfer away from him, or move on.

Answer 4

Umm, very surprised no one has said this so far, but if he literally said working with you "demasculates" him, then you probably have grounds to sue him for gender discrimination. Do not let him get away with this - at the very least, report stuff like this to your managers; they may be hands off, but if they don't do something about it quickly, you have grounds to sue them as well. I'm generally not a fan of "sue-happy" culture, but it is pretty clear that this person is discriminating, at least from your description.

That said, I agree with @Tyanna's assessment. I've found that by volunteering myself for troublesome people has basically put me in a position to replace them, and has really helped advance my career.

Answer 5

When I was young I once heard someone say "You can't make your stick longer by trying to make someone else's shorter". In life, I've come to realize that frequently when I try to bring the focus colleague's failures, I've gotten bitten back.

That said, I have found that best way to highlight the failures of others is to focus on making myself shine so much that management can't help but notice that I'm playing my A game while others aren't.

Like others have suggested, when presented with a roadblock from this other developer, I would take the matter to my supervisor and ask them for the necessary support/resources to accomplish the task at hand. If my supervisor recommended me back to the developer in question, I would make certain that everything was done via email and that my supervisor was included in all emails.

When dealing with your own successes make certain that you're reporting what you're getting done directly to your supervisor. Make certain to highlight the problems you encountered and how you were able to resolve them. Everyone loves someone who tells you about a problem after they've already solved it.

Once your supervisor realizes that you are a rockstar, then you can push your agenda for improvements directly through your supervisor.

If the problem developer makes any claims that would affect your ability to do your job, meet deadlines, etc. then just take the situation to your supervisor in the form of a question with your proposal of how to deal with it. If they threaten to quit, present a plan for making the hand-off as smooth as possible.

I can't stress enough that people always want problem-solvers. And when dealing with things that are inherently negative, always look for a way to present the issue in a positive light.

Answer 6

• Report your co-worker to your manager.
• Report your co-worker to your manager's manager.
• Failing any of the above, leave the company. There is no sense in working with a disruptive person if the company doesn't seem to care about it.

Answer 7

Yesterday he informed me that in 6 weeks he will move up another level in the 401k vesting program and is planning to leave after that. When I asked him why, he said that it is because our manager and the team (the team being me) are “demasculating” him. He feels that he "deserves" to have been made the development manager based on his seniority.

Step 1:

Start a diary/journal that you take home every night. Write down every time this guy blows up, every time he threatens to quit, every time you feel like a used dish towel.

Step 2:

Every time he threatens to leave, follow Tyanna's recommendation to send an email to your boss about transitioning his work. This will either let the managers know that this guy is flaky, or he'll stop complaining to you about leaving. Either way is a win for you.

What I think is happening: this guy feels threatened by you. You're female (based on your user name), and you're probably younger. He thinks he should be in charge because he's a man and women can't be the boss. You can't change a bigot's mind.

His remark about the 401k vesting sounds very suspicious to me. Most 401k plans have the company match vest immediately, or after a certain period of time. I've not come across a plan where unvested company matches automatically vest when you reach a certain anniversary.

Just do what he asks: This lowers tensions but then nothing gets done and the users get upset.

No. This trains him (in the pavlovian sense) into getting what he wants by blowing up. This isn't kindergarten, it is an office. If he can't be professional, then he needs to be gone. Unless you enjoy having WELCOME tattooed on your forehead while you're getting him coffee and sandwiches.

Work more closely with higher management: He has no respect for higher management and they don't want him to leave the company so they coddle him.

I think this is the bottom line. I recommend you read the book Corporate Confidential. It sounds to me like office politics may get very ugly. While I agree with the book that a sexual harassment case will end your career at that office, your journal will be effective ammunition to negotiate a beneficial settlement. Depending on how much they want to coddle this guy, it may come down to "him or me" (reading between the lines of what you wrote, I think he's going to be pushing that) and you want to make it as expensive as possible for them to choose "him". I recommended a number of books on office politics in another thread.

Answer 8

I am just going to address 2:

2.Take control and get stuff done: This keeps the users happy but then he gets angry at me and shuts down, he won't talk to me or work with me to get the things done that only he knows about. He won't give me access to the systems I need to get into to do it myself.

When you are assigned a task, ask your manager to grant you access to the systems you need. If you ask him to let him know he needs to do that there is a good chance that your manager will understand. Do your best to make the situation work. Instead of looking for a path of least resistance go out of your way to provide your coworker with the least opportunities to resist you. And try to do it with the least amount of stress on your manager.

Right now you are where your coworker directs his frustrations. You can take yourself out of his way and he will have to adapt but your life should be easier. Your manager will probably most appreciate this track.

Answer 9

I'm surprised you've lasted this long.

This relationship is unsustainable. What I would do (and have done) is simply tell management, regardless of how you feel about him as a person, working with him cannot continue. There's no need to go into the he-said she-said silliness. Tell them you will leave if the team cannot be rearranged.

And mean it, even though it's scary. You aren't the first person to notice his character.

Answer 10

Teams that work well accomplish more than the sum of the individuals, and teams that fight accomplish the opposite.

I would also say, this person is just being immature. I wouldn't put up with it. However, "not putting up with it" means a lot more than putting the problem on someone else's shoulders entirely. If you want to be part of a team that works well, in conflict resolution situations such as this, you have to work as a team (with management). If the person who supposedly wants to be a manager doesn't even work well with others, then they need to grow up, professionally. It's not hard to learn technical stuff if you're dedicated, so when I've had team members who spent their time being jerks to their team, rather than contributing or leading, I (as a manager) spoke to them and made it clear specifically what I needed to see change. If they didn't change, they were gone over time.

As far as what you should do, I would recommend that if upper management doesn't know about this yet, then make them aware: that's definitely step one. It sounds like you've tried various approaches to working around the issue, and that's great; it shows that you're not running for help immediately, but instead trying to do what seems reasonable among the choices in front of you.

You can absolutely take the advice that others have offered, i.e. take charge of the situation and assert yourself. In my experience, if a place is "hands-off" in terms of management that can be a good thing until problems like this arise. They may just let it fester until it works itself out (you quit, this team member of yours quits, etc.). The caution I would give to moving up the chain by climbing over people is that, while it will absolutely move you up in your career, the downside is that climbing over people becomes the cultural norm pretty quickly, and pretty soon the only way to solve any problem, no matter how minor, is to stab other people in the back. It can turn into a petty workplace while management continues to justify their lack of involvement in conflict resolution as some sick "survival of the fittest" world.

I'm a fan of hands-off management. I enjoy being trusted to do my job. On the other hand, when there is a problem, I do expect (a) that team members will be professional first, and (b) that management will step in and take an active role in helping, rather than sitting on the side lines in a fight to the death.

Answer 11

This guy sounds like a misogynistic control freak. I bet he enjoys micro managing every little detail and probably every little detail of what you do.

• He doesn't trust you.

• He looks down on you for being a woman

• He feels threatened by you because you are a better developer than he is and because you are a woman.

• He probably talks and acts differently to other male members of the team than yourself.

My advice to you is to talk with a lawyer and explain this to him. Get advice on how you should proceed and what your options are.

Please consider this, you are the target of gender discrimination at the workplace.